ChrisWrestling's blog
Being Discreet
Hi and welcome to what may end up being my most controversial blog post ever but it has been something that has been on my mind for well over a decade and I really haven't spoken about it. Before I get into it let me clarify that consent is very important to me so I will respect you if you're not comfortable being out. I don't record or take photos without explicit consent... so how to talk about this without being a dick?
There are understandable layers to discretion like you don't want photos or pics or if there is going to be filming or photos you want to wear a mask etc but I think there needs to be some perspective on the discretion to the level of paranoia that I encounter all the time. I'm talking about the ambiguous, oh my gawd what do you think I'm going to do, discretion hounds. No, I'm not going to show up to your house in the middle of the night in a hoodie and sunglasses to wrestle, that's not necessary. No, no one has actually asked me to do that but so many guys are so scared that if I don't promise something ridiculous they won't meet up.
I will acknowledge that idiots exist. Some guys might see you sitting at a restaurant with others and approach you and start talking kink shit but they are a minority.
I have encountered guys in Seattle who won't meet for coffee to build rapport unless it's in Federal Way where they don't know anyone. Come on, dude, I've already offered to come to you to a convenient spot in your area and the odds of someone seeing you are low, the odds of someone you know hearing the scandalous stuff we're talking about (it's wrestling guys, kids do this) is even lower, and if someone does see us tell them I'm a friend from kindergarden or some other b/s.
Most of the matches I do film don't have sexual contact and we're in singlets. Again, some kids start wrestling in elementary school, adults do BJJ, there are adult wrestling clubs (rare but they do exist). Some of you guys act like wrestling is scandalous as you filming your own version of two girls one cup! Yeah yeah yeah your job, whatever. I get that Trump is demolishing LGBTQ protections and these are dark times but is your boss really going to fire you for loving a sport? That's lawsuit worthy if they do.
So, no, I'm not walking up to your door in just a singlet or speedo or thong or even a gi. I will be just a guy coming over to visit or you can come to my place, it's a little messy but I have mats and I keep them very clean. If you can't trust enough that no one is going to out you then how can you trust someone to roll with you? People get injured, they get choked out, there are very real vulnerabilities to this sport so if you can't have a little faith then you have no business meeting anyone.
Those are just my two cents.
JW130kgYYC (5 )
2/10/2025 5:57 AMThis is very well written. I think back to the comment that was made by Princess Leia in “A New Hope”: “The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”
I think that principle is very on display in what you are saying. There’s discretion, and then there’s overkill, and by going overboard in ensuring discretion, you create the conditions by which you will likely expose yourself or others. This isn’t deep cover. It’s wrestling, whether it’s hobbyists or actual practitioners.
The generic rule I think applies, and I know this is really weird coming from a mostly straight guy, but if you wouldn’t want to be out’ed w/out your consent; don’t do it to others. I’ve ran into a few gents here in legitimate wrestling meets. If it’s just us having a convo, then maybe we’ll talk about stuff here. If not, then we don’t. I’ve had dinner with opponents in public places. Hell, we’ve had conversations about activity here while dining, but never in such a way that others may be threatened or feel threatened by it. Be kind, and be respectful. You’ll accomplish the same thing you want with overdoing the need for discretion, and it typically happens a lot easier and way more natural.
Chris, I appreciate your posts and appreciate the perspective you offer. I’m sorry it’s something you had to take time out of your day to write, but I hope it makes a difference for some.
Atlantis400 (29 )
2/10/2025 11:21 AMHey thanks for your post.
Yes in my opinion is discretion always important but some of the people are too discreet.
I went also already to dinner with some guys from meetfighters why not. When the conversation is only about wrestling than is not so a big issue. If some of them are not outed than I don't need to talk about gay stuff.
I'm hoping for you that you don't have anymore this issue in the future.
Georgiablue2 (3)
2/10/2025 10:40 PMWell intentioned, well said, and well appreciated. Thank you 👍🏻