Last minute let downs

There are of course genuine reasons for cancelling a meet. I recently had a vetinary crisis on the morning of a first-time meet. I very nearly cancelled. As it happens I didn't but it was a close-run thing. If it had been a small group of, say 4, so that I'd have been sure my opponent would not have had a wasted day, I almost certainly would have cancelled. It would have been a genuine cancellation and I would have been very disappointed if I had then been branded a time-waster or a no-show.

So two points

I imagine that the majority of guys on here want to wrestle, not have sex. That being so, they would surely not mind wrestling with others present unless they are chronically shy. That has been my experience so far. In fact some of the most fun I have had on the mat has been in a group where the banter raises the adrenalin and the testosterone. Plus it is a more efficient way of meeting more guys and developing experience. So as a site perhaps a group-meet mindset ought to be fostered rather than the 121 default that presently seems to prevail.

Where someone is well recommended, has many past opponents and is obviously not a fake, surely some credit should be given for genuine cancellations and we should not allow ourselves to become cynical because of the few and the extreme cases some of which have obviously been experienced according to this thread. It's frustrating but it's not always deliberate rudeness or inconsiderate selfishness.

I'm a latecomer to this forum but I thought I'd chip in the following. As someone who works overseas in a non-gay/wrestle friendly country, my wrestling time in UK is particularly precious to me. And I make it clear to guys who I arrange to meet with, usually well in advance. It is particularly galling to get 2 last-minute cancellations from guys who KNOW the situation (thereby incidentally wiping out the entire match-card for four months) without even an explanation or an apology (email: "Can't make it". Literally. Nothing more). Gents, after being strung along by two members of this site for 6 weeks before they both "vanished" when hotel booking confirmations were requested, I just blocked the wasters - which it seemed they were unaccustomed to. I also where possible try to meet reliable mates whom I know do actually want to meet me ( as opposed to an avatar). That said, I'm still waiting days later for a reply from my invitation to a married ex opponent who( this is going to sound familiar, isn't it?) was all over me on the weekend to the extent of asking directly for sex.. Plus ca change.. I like Turpin's idea of small invitation meets, though it's sad they too aren't foolproof. But we have the recommendations, the abuse flags, and very usefully in such a small community the ultimate weapon: word of mouth.

Ironbulluk's suggestion is sensible and I have started to run a few small meets by invitation. However, many perfectly genuine and reliable wrestlers don't like group meets and you can end up with so many last-minute withdrawals from groups (probably because everyone thinks if they don't go it won't matter because others will be there!) that they become unviable - I've had to cancel at least 2!

So there's no easy solution.

SouthernSub has an idea he has posted under the "suggestions" section of this site entitled "match invite system". I believe this idea has many merits and may (hopefully!) go some way to cutting out last minute let downs. I urge you all to support the suggestion.

A suggestion. If you are unsure of a particular individual (the recommendations are reliable) why not make it a small group so that if one person doesn't show you still get a good session on the mats with the others? Most of the commercial matrooms are big enough for 6-8 guys.

Just a few more thoughts:

Some of these guys who makes arrangements to meet and play along with it all, knowing that they will not or cannot meet are, in all probability, mentally ill. It is probably some sort of personality disorder like Delusional Disorder where there is some underlying need or desire to gain attention from others or a deep seated need to rid themselves of negative feelings. I am sorry if that sounds unkind, I am just trying to attempt to be factual and honest.

I am still very new to this site but I am no fool. I have already had a flurry of challenages, some from the other side of the world! I am in no position to go hurrying off to an airport on some flimsy promise of a fight. I am even suspicious of some challenges much closer to home. Some guys like to feel big and masculine challenging a club bouncer and then when I don't take up the challenge they try (in their pathetic minds) to make out I am scared. The last one I had I would have been scared to knock his walking frame over! My advice to anyone is, be very careful, there are lots of fakers on the net. If you are in an area anyway (maybe on holiday or something) then that's a bit different because you are not spending significant sums of cash purely on the meeting. Another suggestion is to meet half way and make the hotel booking AFTER they have and ask for proof of their booking. That way they are less likely to be annoying time wasters.

@Heraclius2: I think you were right to put an abuse flag on his profile. It's best not to speculate on his state of mind for the sake of your sanity!

I just experienced a "no show up" case despite the fact the guy kept sending me messages all along up to our scheduled meeeting saying he was on his way and bla bla ba, until he sent me "I am downstair". So I went at the entrance door to see, guess what ? nobody. I sent a message back asking where he was as I could come to pick him up back to the right address. I received the following reply : "it is getting late I need to leave"... And then asking me to meet the following morning... What do you think guys ? Are they crazy or what ? Do they need a psychiatrist ?

Have had almost the exact same thing happen to me on 2 occasions with 2 different men. They got into town and kept calling to change meeting times all weekend and then saying they needed to leave town earlier than planned. I don't make definite plans with anyone anymore. If you happen to be in town and it's possible to meet, fine. But I don't clear my calendar for anyone.

I feel really sorry for you guys. I must be really lucky then, because all of the people I have met here were reliable.

I can't imagine the feeling one must have after going abroad somewhere into deep shit and finding out that he's been totally set up..

I know how you guys feel. Want to know what's worse? Trying to meet up with a guy and then after weeks and weeks of planning and talking, the person (who shall remain nameless) does not live to his end of the bargain and for this ignorant reason: your voice! So for any person to meet with anyone, they have to sound manly or burly. That's ignorant, and to make matters worse still, he was 44, and me being 27, I'm expecting him to follow through with meeting me.

So here's the question: If I did not sound 'manly' enough, and yet I made sure to make myself available and you not only fail to show up, but gave a weaka** reason (your voice being feminine or what have you......) who's the real man here?

I usually find it helps if you ask a guy "how serious" they are about turning up, and on time. Also ask if they are nervous about meeting as you maybe able to flush out concerns. Bit like a sale really!

Generally find its better to arrange with less than a weeks notice as normally its more likely to happen.

I think all of us who wrestle regularly have experienced this - I've had my share in just over 2 years already and I'd be the first to admit I've also had to cancel at short notice, although I hasten to add for genuine reasons!!

Frustration is the first reaction but I also can't help but feel the canceller is inconsiderate when they know I have to travel and will have purchased a rail ticket and possibly taken a day off work too.

Comparable to Mark's experience a couple of summers ago, I ended up being very glad I'd made the effort to travel to Pippas one Saturday afternoon after an invite from a guy over from New Zealand. I say glad because he'd booked the ring for the full afternoon, invited loads of guys and only me and one other turned up. I really felt sorry for him.

Being philosophic, I guess it's part of the territory we're in: for many it's a big big step to meet and literally fight with a stranger and quite a few just can't take that step, however much they like the idea.

The recommendations/past opponents function is a great help here (admittedly not for a newbie). Men who mess other men about seem to regard themselves as unique -sadly they are just one of a tribe and they often forget but others remember! I have been challenged three times on this site by a guy (since gone) who clearly forgot or did not care that he messaged me while I was on the tube en route to High Barnet to cancel on me: as his grandma had died. You extend your apologies and feel bad about being annoyed - until I later learned this was probably the fifth instance of poor old grandma croaking. He must have loved that dame to trot out her demise serially as an excuse for just a no-show. Whatever happened to "hey buddy really sorry but I cannot make it" sufficiently in advance to allow your opponent to reschedule? Sincere condolences to any genuinely bereaved grapplers out there.

This is not surprising me. I had once a date where the guy showed up, he was asking me a million questions about fighting, training etc. As I said that I would like to start with warm up he said he forgot his pants in the car. I was waiting for 10 minutes till I realized that he will not come back. At this time I really had to laugh but after that I was a bit worried if he maybe has stolen something. He did not. It's sad but often the same these times: the guys have no character and a word is no more a word. These are no fighters, just pussys

@TigerWizard: I met DaveLon through a common acquaintance. Since then we have become friends. He's a very nice guy and a member of this site.

I had the same excuse twice in a row from different people. "My sister has turned up distraught after a row with her boyfriend so I can't meet". On the second occassion I had arranged an extra night away after a business trip and got this excuse by text when I was travelling to the meet. I was less than tolerant with the second guy.

I am sorry to hear about your situation guys its really rude of them. Hey fighterboy how did you get your match organiser I want one.

Before I started having DaveLon arranging my matches, this happened to me multiple times in the UK. There was even a time when a guy in London has offered to let me stay over at his place, only to cancel it a few days before I was to step on the plane.

Firstly, I promised my mate I wouldn't reveal his name or the guys that let him down as he doesn't like to upset anyone. He had booked 2 nights at a hotel not a millions miles from me and scheduled 4 meets. I was #3 on his agenda and hoping to find him still fresh for a wrestle. Well you can imagine my surprise when he seems shocked that i showed up as #1 and #2 cancelled at the last minute. I wasn't disappointed and was glad that he had a great time wrestling and chatting. We didn't put the room back together as #4 was due first thing in the morning. Well surprise surprise he cancelled at the last minute as well. Now I travel more than most guys and have cancelled before but never like this and def never on the day. The guy prearranged all the meets and paid out over £200 in hotels. Is it fair that anyone should be left alone and with a hotel bill. I suppose I am angry on his behalf but wanted to know if other guys experienced this and how did they feel.