Whilst I completely agree that no response IS a response.... Sometimes a 'thanks but no thanks' can be all it takes to get a message across where both parties know definitively where they stand.
I guess I'm wired different. I do not feel an obligation to respond to a message same as I do not feel entitled to a response to a message. If I reach out to someone and they don't respond... message received and understood, no further explanations needed. Silence can speak volumes.
Agreed. I think I have it in my profile that I prefer messages from people who are in my area or coming to my area, but I still get random messages that simply say, āHot bodyā or something. It just makes me uncomfortable, and it bothers me when people donāt respect my wishes stated in my profile. I donāt think anyone should be shamed into replying to someone if they donāt want to. That would be like if a stranger walked up to you on the street and just said, āNice body.ā Would you still be obligated to say thank you just because that person āput themselves out thereā?
True but there is too much silence. When the vast majority of people just wont respond at all, we dont need societal abyss speaking volumes as we all ignore throw each other away permanently into loneliness. We should be wrestling and instead we are all ignoring each other too much and opposing and trashing the whole purpose of this site.
If someone joins this site and ignores 9 out of 10 messages, why are they on the site to begin with?
MEETfighters not GHOSTfighters. This was really the message behind my original post. Thanks.
Agreed and common courtesy as a human being is something most of us learn in childhood but we're seemingly a couple generations away from that and you can't teach what you you don't know or haven't learned and I remind myself of that when met with rude behavior.
All of us who have commented with the exception of 1 have been on this site for many years. I think it helps to recognize the tremendous diversity of the folks who inhabit the space here and their various motives for messaging or blocking which don't often coincide with our own no matter how much we want to believe that they do.
Most of us want to be kind in how we treat and respect others. Maybe there is something systemic the site could do to update auto replies or overhaul the blocking process. That said, I don't think anyone deserves to be thrown permanently into loneliness. I would never ghost any sincere guy in need of someone to talk to or just seeking some guidance.
On the subject of not replying to unsolicited messages I can see both sides. I check the sender's profile and if I see any red flags like no past opponents or recos after years on the site or clearly incompatible interests I don't take the time to reply. I see nothing wrong with that and no reply sends a simple message too. I usually reply to those that I perceive as genuine even if I don't see them as a potential fight buddy.
As for blocking I can see it in the case where messaging gets to the point of being annoying. Otherwise, I don't block people who block me for other reasons. Of course, it hurts a little to be cut off by someone but all you can do if you have something you want to say is try to figure out why and pursue it any way you can if you hope to get unblocked.
Exactly! It is annoying to see what passes for courtesy. If I am talking to you in a private chat you have my undivided attention. Iām not going to just disappear. To me that would be like having a conversation at a party and just turning around and walking away in the middle of it. And donāt get me started when that happens in the midst of some sexy chat, or cyber. Only happens once with me. It is disrespectful
Couldnāt agree with you more Poseidon, case in point, I often will compliment a guy on a nice profile and usually comment with,āgreat pics and or profile, just giving a compliment where dueā. But some immediately sign out of chat š thinking Iām asking for a match. I find it amusing but Iāve been around a long time to recognize such characters and so I make a note to myself to never comment or contact again. I do reply to others and thank them for reaching out and if Iām not interested in a meet, Iām nice about letting them know I might not be a good match for them. No need to be rude or cruel and as the old saying goes, ā what goes round comes roundā.
I think everyone should respond. IF the person has taken the time to reach out I think they deserve a response. However if they you end up getting bombarded by email after email and you know there is no chance of it happening. I usually reply that "it's not going to happen" written nicer of course but if it keeps coming I block
I disagree with the first point. I donāt think anyone is obligated to respond to a message if they donāt want to. Sometimes I will, even if I donāt want to, and that person takes that as an invitation to bombard me with more messages.
On the one hand, I've done all those things, and for what I consider good reason (e.g. if that "one thing" is CBT, I'm out. Not a risk I want to take. And not sorry).
on the other hand, I see your point if there is no good reason....
But a lot of times, you can get a feeling right away.... I like wrestling, and it turns me on so sex is always an option. But there are guys who seem to want to use wrestling as an excuse/entree to sex – and that's not what I'm here for.
(and if you block me now, I'm gonna be really pissed) :D
Over the years I've observed some things that really drive me and others nuts on this site, and I wanted to compile a list and start a "call-out" discussion about these things. You know who you are!
1. When someone compliments you, you just ignore it and ghost them.
Ummm it will not kill you to just type "Thanks" and submit. You're not being asked to
get married dude. It took that guy a lot of energy to risk saying hi. Don't be a silent
jerk! You could be contributing to someone's depression, self-confidence issues and
they may give up saying hi to others just because of your rude ass!
2. In addition to ignoring it, you block them. Further ghosting them.
You are the exact kind of antisocial turd this site is NOT designed for. If you aren't ready
to receive messages from people, just suspend your profile. Because you aren't all that!
3. You start a discussion and then you never finish it, just stop responding. Do you to this
to other people in your life as well? A huge turnoff and a big FLAKE red flag. Finish what
you started!
4. After a great match you fail to write a recommendation, even after they write you one.
Why wouldn't you want the world to know about the good time you had? Why wouldn't
you want the guy who gave you a great experience to benefit from that and get more
matches? Not only does this send the message you weren't worth wrestling, it
collectively cheapens the experience other men experience here. Take 2 minutes and
write something honest and nice about him. Not writing one also increases the chances
he won't bother wrestling you again! If the match was so bad you can't honestly write
one, tell him why you won't be writing one so he can own that and change for others in
the future if he needs to.
5. You get an invite to wrestle and you see one thing you don't have in common with him
and you cancel the meet and end the conversation with him because OMG that one
thing you don't like.
Seriously? You can't handle the fact no two wrestlers are alike and just ask for what you
want minus that thing? Grow the eff up! Don't kinkshame other guys for being a
little different than you are. You aren't shopping at a store. You are dealing with other
humans.
I invite constructive discussion about these behaviors, as I feel they are really destructive to the healthy ciruclation and communication on these site and towards meeting other fighters generally. Thanks!
AgentPoseidon (32)
3/17/2024 4:52 PMGuys I just want to thank everyone for a thoughtful respectful discussion.
Another thread along the very same lines months ago got really nasty.
Thanks again.
Nomad (2 )
3/17/2024 4:01 PMWhilst I completely agree that no response IS a response.... Sometimes a 'thanks but no thanks' can be all it takes to get a message across where both parties know definitively where they stand.
Brawler (56)
3/17/2024 10:30 PM(In reply to this)
Couldnāt agree more.
AgentPoseidon (32)
3/17/2024 4:50 PM(In reply to this)
Exactly Nomad. Thanks!
twisterman (39 )
3/16/2024 3:29 AMI guess I'm wired different. I do not feel an obligation to respond to a message same as I do not feel entitled to a response to a message. If I reach out to someone and they don't respond... message received and understood, no further explanations needed. Silence can speak volumes.
hellman34 (13)
3/17/2024 11:05 PM(In reply to this)
Agreed. I think I have it in my profile that I prefer messages from people who are in my area or coming to my area, but I still get random messages that simply say, āHot bodyā or something. It just makes me uncomfortable, and it bothers me when people donāt respect my wishes stated in my profile. I donāt think anyone should be shamed into replying to someone if they donāt want to. That would be like if a stranger walked up to you on the street and just said, āNice body.ā Would you still be obligated to say thank you just because that person āput themselves out thereā?
AgentPoseidon (32)
3/16/2024 4:30 AM(In reply to this)
True but there is too much silence. When the vast majority of people just wont respond at all, we dont need societal abyss speaking volumes as we all ignore throw each other away permanently into loneliness. We should be wrestling and instead we are all ignoring each other too much and opposing and trashing the whole purpose of this site.
If someone joins this site and ignores 9 out of 10 messages, why are they on the site to begin with?
MEETfighters not GHOSTfighters. This was really the message behind my original post. Thanks.
Barriobruiser (78)
3/16/2024 7:54 PM(In reply to this)
Agreed and common courtesy as a human being is something most of us learn in childhood but we're seemingly a couple generations away from that and you can't teach what you you don't know or haven't learned and I remind myself of that when met with rude behavior.
AgentPoseidon (32)
3/17/2024 4:50 PM(In reply to this)
Yep. Sadly covid made this so much worse.
Fighter Gary (24 )
3/16/2024 8:56 AM(In reply to this)
All of us who have commented with the exception of 1 have been on this site for many years. I think it helps to recognize the tremendous diversity of the folks who inhabit the space here and their various motives for messaging or blocking which don't often coincide with our own no matter how much we want to believe that they do.
Most of us want to be kind in how we treat and respect others. Maybe there is something systemic the site could do to update auto replies or overhaul the blocking process. That said, I don't think anyone deserves to be thrown permanently into loneliness. I would never ghost any sincere guy in need of someone to talk to or just seeking some guidance.
ruffnhard (118)
3/16/2024 8:04 AM(In reply to this)
Well said, and totally agree!
Brawler (56)
3/15/2024 5:55 AMIsnāt this a fight site? Be a man and have a fight if youāve got an issue rather than block. Sort it out like men.
Fighter Gary (24 )
3/10/2024 11:30 PMOn the subject of not replying to unsolicited messages I can see both sides. I check the sender's profile and if I see any red flags like no past opponents or recos after years on the site or clearly incompatible interests I don't take the time to reply. I see nothing wrong with that and no reply sends a simple message too. I usually reply to those that I perceive as genuine even if I don't see them as a potential fight buddy.
As for blocking I can see it in the case where messaging gets to the point of being annoying. Otherwise, I don't block people who block me for other reasons. Of course, it hurts a little to be cut off by someone but all you can do if you have something you want to say is try to figure out why and pursue it any way you can if you hope to get unblocked.
Tritonrising (38)
3/07/2024 7:12 PMExactly! It is annoying to see what passes for courtesy. If I am talking to you in a private chat you have my undivided attention. Iām not going to just disappear. To me that would be like having a conversation at a party and just turning around and walking away in the middle of it. And donāt get me started when that happens in the midst of some sexy chat, or cyber. Only happens once with me. It is disrespectful
Barriobruiser (78)
3/07/2024 6:35 PMCouldnāt agree with you more Poseidon, case in point, I often will compliment a guy on a nice profile and usually comment with,āgreat pics and or profile, just giving a compliment where dueā. But some immediately sign out of chat š thinking Iām asking for a match. I find it amusing but Iāve been around a long time to recognize such characters and so I make a note to myself to never comment or contact again. I do reply to others and thank them for reaching out and if Iām not interested in a meet, Iām nice about letting them know I might not be a good match for them. No need to be rude or cruel and as the old saying goes, ā what goes round comes roundā.
wrestlme37 (23)
3/06/2024 2:59 PMI think everyone should respond. IF the person has taken the time to reach out I think they deserve a response. However if they you end up getting bombarded by email after email and you know there is no chance of it happening. I usually reply that "it's not going to happen" written nicer of course but if it keeps coming I block
hellman34 (13)
3/02/2024 7:32 AMI disagree with the first point. I donāt think anyone is obligated to respond to a message if they donāt want to. Sometimes I will, even if I donāt want to, and that person takes that as an invitation to bombard me with more messages.
Polotoure (21)
3/08/2024 6:10 PM(In reply to this)
I used too reply to every message but for the reason you stated donāt anymore. Furthermore what some class as a compliment is very strange
p luke (3 )
2/29/2024 3:53 PMOn the one hand, I've done all those things, and for what I consider good reason (e.g. if that "one thing" is CBT, I'm out. Not a risk I want to take. And not sorry).
on the other hand, I see your point if there is no good reason....
But a lot of times, you can get a feeling right away.... I like wrestling, and it turns me on so sex is always an option. But there are guys who seem to want to use wrestling as an excuse/entree to sex – and that's not what I'm here for.
(and if you block me now, I'm gonna be really pissed) :D
AgentPoseidon (32)
2/29/2024 3:17 PMOver the years I've observed some things that really drive me and others nuts on this site, and I wanted to compile a list and start a "call-out" discussion about these things. You know who you are!
1. When someone compliments you, you just ignore it and ghost them.
Ummm it will not kill you to just type "Thanks" and submit. You're not being asked to
get married dude. It took that guy a lot of energy to risk saying hi. Don't be a silent
jerk! You could be contributing to someone's depression, self-confidence issues and
they may give up saying hi to others just because of your rude ass!
2. In addition to ignoring it, you block them. Further ghosting them.
You are the exact kind of antisocial turd this site is NOT designed for. If you aren't ready
to receive messages from people, just suspend your profile. Because you aren't all that!
3. You start a discussion and then you never finish it, just stop responding. Do you to this
to other people in your life as well? A huge turnoff and a big FLAKE red flag. Finish what
you started!
4. After a great match you fail to write a recommendation, even after they write you one.
Why wouldn't you want the world to know about the good time you had? Why wouldn't
you want the guy who gave you a great experience to benefit from that and get more
matches? Not only does this send the message you weren't worth wrestling, it
collectively cheapens the experience other men experience here. Take 2 minutes and
write something honest and nice about him. Not writing one also increases the chances
he won't bother wrestling you again! If the match was so bad you can't honestly write
one, tell him why you won't be writing one so he can own that and change for others in
the future if he needs to.
5. You get an invite to wrestle and you see one thing you don't have in common with him
and you cancel the meet and end the conversation with him because OMG that one
thing you don't like.
Seriously? You can't handle the fact no two wrestlers are alike and just ask for what you
want minus that thing? Grow the eff up! Don't kinkshame other guys for being a
little different than you are. You aren't shopping at a store. You are dealing with other
humans.
I invite constructive discussion about these behaviors, as I feel they are really destructive to the healthy ciruclation and communication on these site and towards meeting other fighters generally. Thanks!